An awkward letter to my not so platonic friend(?)

Dear Friend,

What up? I hope you’ve forgiven me for robbing you sleep the other day when I crashed at your place.

I had so much fun that night like you said you did. Thanks for that karaoke night where we each had a mic to ourselves that we sang old skool songs and drank beer for hours (the first time my taste buds actually tolerated beer). You sing well and I especially liked when I had you sing Dashboard Confessional’s Hands Down which is a soundtrack of a TV series we liked. But you don’t have to lie and tell me likewise because I’m well aware my singing is best confined in the shower. Heh.

I missed you since the last time we hung out which was, uh, last year? You had this big reveal which kind of put us in awkward city and our friendship in jeopardy. Or so only I thought when you suddenly went MIA on me for awhile because you said you were busy. Busy fixing your now 7-year relationship, I got that. You eventually were able to sort things out and get back together with your girlfriend which is good for you, of course.

But hey, here we are hanging out again. Looks like I got my good guy friend back.

I knew you are my good guy friend because you’re the guy I text when I’m bored and just want to talk even at past midnight or when something interesting comes up or when something bad happens. You’re the guy I texted when my cat died. You’re someone I feel like I could say anything to like how jologs I was for liking the movie My Amnesia Girl and then urged you to see it which you did and you liked it too, didn’t you? And you have the same effect on me too because I watch the TV series you recommend. We haven’t known each other that long, but we’ve been through enough for me to know that your eyeglasses lens grades are 50 and 75.

But I have concerns. Namely, I wonder: Can a guy and a girl who were admittedly attracted to each other be just friends again? I mean, platonic friends? Would that be weird? Are we weird?

Because Mercato already closed out on us by 4 am, we ended up at your place. Glad I got to catch up on The Walking Dead as you also watched so sleepily beside me. Then, as if by some flick of a switch, we instantly got kind of comfy with each other. Kind of too comfy. I’m naturally touchy-feely but then I wouldn’t know what your excuse was. We acted as a couple would during socks weather. Strangely enough, it went on for hours like it’s second nature to us. Fine. Maybe friends could also snuggle? But it got to that point in that Dashboard Confessional song:

And you kissed me like you meant it,
And I knew that you meant it.

Often people talk about when it’s appropriate to ask someone you’re hooking up with to define your relationship (although ours is even less defined than a hook up because last I checked, we’re in friend zone). Again, it was a trip to awkward city but it’s quite inevitable. And yes, our resolve still was that you and I are “friends”. In the back of my mind, I was thinking the Em and Dex kind of friendship which isn’t so bad at all (except Em was ran over by a car in the end).

So uh, I guess what I’m saying is I really don’t know how to label our relationship anymore.   Although embarrassing as it is, I’ve been ‘Ted-ing out’ lately and here’s what I think: You might have feelings for me that go beyond platonic, but those feelings might not be strong enough to end your current relationship. Or Idk, man. You tell me.

Even if we’ve already agreed that there’s no crossing the platonic line again (at least physically), perhaps I’ll always hold a soft spot for you. Totally not friendship over for us, right? Because I don’t have my other guy friends close with me for so long and I might occasionally miss your ruffling of my hair.

OK I’m getting ahead of myself and probably being really creepy. I do that sometimes, sorry.

Like you said, until our next adventure together!(?)

Me

P.S. If you may just look into this venn diagram and point where we stand.. like it’s that easy. Derp!

♚♚♚

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8 thoughts on “An awkward letter to my not so platonic friend(?)

  1. I wrote a very similar letter to my guy friend some time ago. Fortunately (or unfortunately), ours hadn’t gotten to the physical stage of kissing. We still chat once in a while, but my tendency to over-think everything kinda prevents me from being “myself”, making our conversations very awkward and short.

    He was the one who recommended 3 Idiots to me. Hay, gulay.

    • Oddly enough, it’s even less awkward between me and my “friend” now. In fact we have plans of hanging out again. Er, it gets murky.

      I’m the one recommending 3 Idiots to him. Ha ha.

  2. Dahil ngayon lang ako nagka-oras magstalk ng blogs ng mga tao. Ehem, hi, Tal!

    This reminds me of one time I got drunk with a drunker guy friend, and yeaaah, in the middle of the kissing, he blurted out, “Do you know platonic friendship came from Plato? It happens when two friends admit and acknowledge that they like each other, but both decide that they would not do anything about it.” I nodded by light head.

    More than an awkward year after, we’re a little less awkward when we see each other. Heh. So, NO. WHAT.

    • Hi, KJ! Uh, your guy friend did hit the mark there. And I’m guessing the kissing resumed after having said that? Lels. I haven’t seen this friend again so, ugh, maybe it’s awkward city after all. Meh

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